The Dive

When I first started my Chinese visa application process (10 months ago, at this point) I had no idea what to expect. The only other time I’d needed a visa to travel was on my trip to Zimbabwe in 2014 – however, unlike this current process, I did not have to apply ahead of time. Upon landing in Harare, we simply paid for the visa (something like $30?) and it was stamped, then we were good to go. The process of receiving a Chinese visa has been… a bit more challenging.

The first hurdle ended up being the season during which I started the process. I was offered the job in November, and began collecting what was needed to accomplish the first step. (I promise I will do a separate blog post with details on the visa application, for anyone else who has no idea how to go about it.) While November is a lovely month in general, with November comes Thanksgiving. And soon after, with December comes a long holiday break. So, if you need to receive a document from, say, your university, and they’ve shut down for 3 weeks for the holiday break, it becomes rather complicated to move forward. But never fear, next comes January, and with that things will open up again, right?

In a normal year, perhaps. But as those of us desperately dragging ourselves through 2020 know, this has not been a normal year. And you all know what was happening in China come January of 2020 – ding ding, COVID-19 started spreading. So then, all of the Chinese schools and government offices closed down. A few months later, surprise surprise, incredibly intense travel restrictions were established. No one was getting in or out. (I can’t blame them. The States haven’t exactly proven themselves up to the task of handling or containing this. I wouldn’t want to let us in either. Looking at you, people who still refuse to wear masks….)

But, after a loooooooong few months (half a year?) of playing Hurry Up and Wait – rushing to get the next document in, waiting a few weeks for a response, rushing to collect all the materials needed and booking the next available appointment, waiting a few months for an office to open up – I’ve reached a significantly new moment in the process. The game is no longer Hurry Up and Wait; it’s become simply Hurry Up!

3 days ago, I finally received my visa. Because the Chinese consulate in NYC is currently closed due to the pandemic, the final step in the process was entirely done by mail. (Thank you, USPS!!) I woke up to a large envelope taped to the hallway wall outside of my door so it was the first thing I saw when I left my bedroom. As of today, I also have my flight booked – I will be getting on a plane and moving across the world this upcoming Wednesday, September 23rd. In 3 days. Which is wild to comprehend.

How am I feeling about all of this? Great question, faceless hypothetical reader. The easiest response is that I am feeling every possible feeling on full blast at all times. I currently have 3 modes of being: Shock, Chaos, and Puddle of Emotion. (All 3 involve crying. Are you sensing a theme yet?) Words cannot describe how excited I am that this adventure is finally about to begin. My anxiety is having a fit trying to prepare for the reality of a 15 hour flight amidst a global pandemic. I cannot wait to meet my colleagues and my students, after having only seen them through a screen for months. I think about the fact that I won’t get to say goodbye to just about anyone here and my throat clamps up. The fact that I am about to leave behind everything I have ever known and create a life somewhere entirely new is both thrilling and terrifying to me. For my musical theatre-loving readers, I’m feeling excited and scared.

This will likely be my final post in the States. The next few days are going to be a whirlwind of COVID testing, packing, organizing sub lesson plans, and reminding myself to breathe. Upon my arrival, I will immediately be put into a 14-day quarantine in a hotel in Shanghai. It will be nice to spend a full day awake when the sun is out, a luxury I haven’t had since last February! I won’t even mind the fact that I won’t be allowed to leave my room – just being in China after all this time will be a wonder in and of itself. I’ve been mentally preparing for this moment for almost a year now, but it still feels impossible that it’s actually happening.

Months ago, I described this process to my therapist as being like that of getting on a roller coaster. The minute or so in the very beginning, as you click-click-click your way up the first incline, noticing how high you are getting and waiting with a bubble in your stomach to reach the top and dive. Knowing something big is coming, and it may be scary, but it will also be amazing. Seeing the peak there and slowly approaching it, anxiety and excitement building inside of you. Well folks, I’m finally about to reach the top. To take the dive. Miles Morales’ first leap of faith off the top of a building. Frodo and Sam taking their first steps out of The Shire. Harry Potter about to run at the wall between Platforms 9 and 10.

Wish me luck. Take bets on how many times I’ll cry between now and arriving at my hotel in Shanghai. I’ll see you on the other side (of the planet)!